Scream & Writhe Forum

We had an insane heatwave all last week, are getting a break from it for the weekend, but then it's gonna be even worse this week.

Also, I hurt my back last night, which is always fun. It's bad enough that it's giving me a headache.

I've not experienced physical pain in a long time. tend not to care as long as it is "manageable". such is life...

I'm in pain every day of my life. But like you said, c'est la vie...

Anyhow, I want to get back to making dark ambient music. I lost the files of a number of albums I made six or seven years ago, which is deeply frustrating.

Life is pain. Pain is harsh. Harsh is noise. Noise is good.

Trying to recover from last weekends festival run before wednesday when we have a Finland/Spain/France-run coming up.
Tired as hell and hurt all over.

Promoters and our producers are giving me major headache. "Instead of shipping merch before, we want you to bring merch from Finland and pay for every flight a extra case with you" etc stupid shit. And if you try to give them alternative options that would be easier and cheaper, they just say "no this is easier this way". Idiots...

Joie de la Blumpy wrote: ↑Mon Jun 20, 2022 7:12 am Life is pain. Pain is harsh. Harsh is noise. Noise is good.

And thus, noise is life.

Back is improving, kidney is up and down. Oddly, the heat emergency a day or two ago didn't effect me as much as the weather today. It was 97F and humid then, 88F with lower humidity today. Might need to take a second nap. Feeling especially drained. Hopefully I can go for a walk later. Been listening to hip-hop again.

Joie de la Blumpy wrote: ↑Mon Jun 20, 2022 7:12 am Life is pain. Pain is harsh. Harsh is noise. Noise is good.

It's the circle of strife.

the syllogism of existence.

I'm thinking what the point of other people is... the only problem with that is that life is meaningless without them.

eh, maybe my happiness doesn't matter, in a world choking on extreme tragedy. just try to help its victims, and hope that when it stops mattering it will be better somehow.

and porn.

drift wrote: ↑Fri Jun 24, 2022 1:04 am eh, maybe my happiness doesn't matter

I've been thinking about this in a more general sense over the past year, mostly in the context of my great-great grandparents, who were German farmers newly arrived in North America. Seems likely to me that their chief focus was not happiness, but survival. It's an interesting thing to reflect on, and perhaps happiness as a life goal is a newer phenomenon for the average person who isn't struggling against poverty or systemic injustice.

Agree with you when it comes to helping others. If life is inherently meaningless and suicide isn't an option, then we have to create meaning for ourselves in order to carry on. Sometimes that can be found in service to others - a teaching that multiple religions espouse which I think is quite valuable.

I'm just reflecting on your words, not trying to provide any answers. Hope you're doing alright.

eh. things are always in flux or I would have jumped out the window by now.

I'm a marxist, so probably think more is systemic injustice than you; either that or the ruling class are sadistic monsters. why not both?

fwiw, I'll say why I feel so "agitated". I am diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and have extreme negative symptoms that mean I can barely bathe myself. I may have been drunkely raped while on holiday when I was 20, and then blocked it out (this resurfaced about 7 years ago, while my life was on an upward curve and my psychosis was ending). Currently, I suspect that a lovely bourgeois woman I met has been following me on-line for four years, and the only explanation - which this person seems to have encouraged - is that she's a rape victim. I cannot cope with it.

hah

That sounds tough, and I'm sorry you're going through it. Do you have hook ups for psychiatry or other forms of support? A very close homie of mine lives with paranoid schizophrenia and he said it took a few years and a couple different med trials, but he's starting to feel a bit more centered these days. Hoping the same for you. Tough to go through that shit alone.

yeah. I just have few friends, rather than utterly alone.

Thanks for not screaming lol

I'm very sorry to hear that, drift. I hope your situation improves. Sorry that I don't have anything more than that. :\

xIncorruptibleCorpse777x wrote: ↑Sat Jun 25, 2022 2:33 am I'm very sorry to hear that, drift. I hope your situation improves. Sorry that I don't have anything more than that. :\

it's fine, but I feel it may have destroyed me in some sense I cannot place.

Hmm... I'm not sure which thread would be best to ask this, but I'll start here. Does anyone have a copy of Whitehouse's "Cream of the Second Coming"? I'm making a screen print design, and I want it to be the best it can be. The only images of the album cover (the whip on it, specifically) are really low resolution. If you do have a copy and the means to properly scan it, I'd really appreciate it if you did so and sent me the image.

Edit: Actually, never mind. I tried to use an AI image upscaler, and I'm pleased with the results.

there are no happy endings, just worse people.

and bustle: good advice on what to do when about failed relationships lol. you're not the "only one".

*takes medicine* *is afraid*

My local record shop keeps getting more and more BLJ tapes in and I have to keep myself from buying them all aaaaaaaggggghhhhh

Anyhow, things are improving for the most part. Feel like I'm losing my mind quite often, though. :\

I am bored and eating a co-op pizza. this is as good as it gets for me

Is it a good a idea to mix and record during a beer festival of 10+ % beers.

moozz wrote: ↑Thu Jun 30, 2022 3:05 pm Is it a good a idea to mix and record during a beer festival of 10+ % beers.

Didn't Mr. BU say in an interview that he usually records while slightly drunk?

you gotta accept your fate imho, not as "your own", but merely because whose else's could that be?

and beer.

SS1535 wrote: ↑Thu Jun 30, 2022 3:17 pm

moozz wrote: ↑Thu Jun 30, 2022 3:05 pm Is it a good a idea to mix and record during a beer festival of 10+ % beers.

Didn't Mr. BU say in an interview that he usually records while slightly drunk?

I seem to recall it being the other way around, that he said he’d done his best recordings while sober. But pls don’t quote me on it,